My New Years Resolutions  🎉

I think we can all agree 2020 was a poopy head of a year so let’s not go down that road again.  Been there, done that, and bought a t-shirt.  Instead, let us turn our face toward the sun 🌅 and bask in the light of 2021.  If you don’t have sunshine in your geographical area, go find a lamp and put your face under the shade.  Works just as well.

Let’s talk resolutions.  While everyone else has listed “achieve world peace”, “be more kind”, and “fully fund a food pantry for 10 years” on their list, I find I work better if I have more realistic resolutions/goals so here are mine:

Log enough steps on my Apple Watch to justify the 4 cookies I sneak out of the cookie jar in the middle of the night when no one was looking.

I know about the “sneak the cookies out of the jar in the middle of the night when no one is looking and the calories disappear” theory.  I tested it extensively this last year while isolated and the extra fluff on my hips sort of disproved that hypothesis.  I do, however, have some websites I am investigating that show you how to TRICK your Apple Watch into logging more steps that you ACTUALLY take.  The theory being, aforementioned Watch and the cookie calories are somehow in sync so you don’t actually have to TAKE the steps to get the calorie burn.  I will report periodically during 2021 on this research project.  I just hope I don’t have to upgrade my watch operating system.  The last time I went through that adventure I said bad words. 😡

Score at least one 100 point word in Words with Friends.

And... to make it harder... I am going to do it without cheating!!  No word generator, no asking a friend..  just hard core using my brain.  Hubby is worried about this one because most days I don’t have 2 brain cells to rub together so this might be the demise of my mental capabilities.  Stay tuned.   PS:  This is my stretch goal.  PSS:  This might be the goal that puts me over the edge.  PSSS:  Apologies in advance to my children for the pain they will have to endure while wiping the slobber from my chin when my brain cells are completely diminished because of trying to achieve this goal.

Don’t get pissed off everytime I open Facebook and read a post where someone is too lazy to express their own opinion so they just post someone else's.

Really people.  I gotta have some help on this one.  Use your own mind darn it.  Love ya! ❤️😎

Lose inches on my hips.

Note I did not say “permanently” lose inches on my hips which leaves this resolution open to some creative practices like double spanxing.  If you have not read my blog post on the last time I tried this method of hip reduction click HERE.....  (click the word HERE)

Send more humor into the world... which means I am going to have to write more blog posts which makes Hubby positively nervous.    

Did I mention I have a blog?  You can read it HERE: 

Shamelessly promote my blog.  

Did I mention I have a blog?  You can read it here:   https://southernbelleblog.blogspot.com/

Hug more people!🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

To do this I am going to have to do my part to eradicate this *#^$ virus.  Which I have given the nickname Rona.  I hate Rona.  She upset my applecart.  That’s all we are going to say about that because I promised I wasn’t going to look back.  But I hope that beaaaatch gets kicked to the curb in January!!  Just in time for my birthday.  Oh!  Did I mention I have a birthday in January?  Sure would like for the Rona to be gone by then.  Squirrel!!

So, that’s my list of resolutions for 2021.  Along with loving my family, my friends and even those people who make me roll my eyes.🙄

Here’s to a GREAT year full of blessings.  I refuse to have anything less.

With HUGE virtual hugs, sloppy kisses, and best wishes...

Cheryl

Not quite what I had in mind

God has a sense of humor.  No surprise since He is the creator of all things that He would also create humor and use it.  Sometimes, though, I think He saves testing his really big jokes on me.

As I neared 60, the “spare tire” began to increase in size.  Couple this with a high cholesterol reading (always been in the almost too low range) and you have the making of a not too good old woman.  I am active but needed to step up my game.  My motivation was sparse so I prayed for God to help me with the problem and provide a solution to my weight loss.  I was thinking He would give me a taste for Weight Watchers Food, free Nutrisystem meals or restore my knees so I could run again.  It also occurred to me he could just have me wake up pounds lighter with no work at all.  I go to bed overweight and wake up svelte. That kind of thing.

Instead, God sent me a dog.






I have been the owner of 2 cats (actually 2 sets of 2 cats) for over 20 years.  They travel with us, are independent, use the litter box and easy to manage.  Except for the demand for treats and food at 6 am, they have been lovely pets.  The dog, on the other hand, has disrupted the household (and me) in ways you cannot imagine.

1. He has to be walked. Several times a day.  We live in a zero lot line home with no yard and also travel extensively in an RV.  The dog has to be walked for exercise and my husband has a bad back which precludes him from walking long distances so guess who has to walk the dog.  Me.
2. The dog has to be walked early in the am.  No more lounging in my jammies drinking coffee until noon.  Nope, it’s feet hit the floor, brush teeth, throw on walking clothes and walk the dog.  I don’t even get a sip of Coffee!!
3. The dog has to be walked late morning and it has to be a long walk to calm him down.  He is still a puppy weighing 42 pounds.  When that wound up energy comes at you ... well.... it’s good to keep him exhausted.
4. The dog has to be walked in the afternoon.  The dog likes treats.  The dog responds to training with treats so I have to walk him for extra exercise so he doesn’t get any heavier than 42 pounds.  We don’t need a 60 pound lap dog.  (Did I mention the dog thinks he is a Chihuahua?)
5. The dog has to be walked before bedtime to prohibit being rudely awaken to a wet nose in my face or howling in the middle of the night.  He takes great pride in being housebroken.

I am not sure if it is the 10,000 steps per day or the profuse sweating that occurs during my walks that has started the weight loss but a few pounds have been shed, I am sleeping like a baby and my stress seems to be less.  

God has a sense of humor but he also knows what we need when we need it.  Even if we don’t.

The Story of Izzy. #FosterFailure #1

My phone dings, I look down and note the text message is from one of coworkers with the video above attached.

“You need this cat” the message stated.  

As background my husband and I had been running a nursing home for cats and had just laid the last of the pack to rest.  For the first time in our marriage we had no kids and no pets.  The bed was quite comfy with just the two of us and we had agreed, no more pets.

My answer was short, “No, I don’t”. That put an end to that.  

A few minutes later my phone rings and I note it is the same coworker.  Out of courtesy I answered.

“My Dog is trying to eat the cat!!  You have to help!!”

I inhale to draw strength and give her advice on how to separate the cat from the dog.  That put an end to that.  The phone rings again.  This time my coworker is in tears and states “My husband is going to take the kitten to the shelter!  They will kill it!!  You have to help!”

Ok, ok...  I instructed her to bring the kitten to work and I would bring all of my cat paraphernalia to house the cat and we would find a no kill shelter for the kitten.  That put an end to that.

Long story short, we called every no kill shelter in the tri-state area and all were full.  My coworker is melted into a puddle on the floor distressing over how she is going to care for the cat overnight.  In a desperate attempt to keep her from jumping off the 2nd floor I agreed to take the cat... for the night.  One night!

That was 5 years ago and Izzy the Portable Kitty has traveled with us to more states than some people will see in a lifetime.  His first RV Trip was when he was less than 5 months old and he took to it like water.  

And the lesson learned is don’t answer your phone when a coworker rings.  I hope you enjoy these photos of our sweet Izzy.

Cheryl

The True Meaning of Christmas

Since my last post I have learned some wonderful and very valuable lessons.  

As I wallowed in my self-pity thinking I was the only person capable of providing a wonderful Christmas for my family, God showed me differently.  It was truly a thing of beauty to watch Him work through others to orchestrate what has turned out to be one of the most blessed Christmas seasons I have experienced.  

By disabling me on many levels, I was able to stop long enough to enjoy the help of friends and family who so lovingly gave of their time, treasures and love to ensure the gifts were wrapped, food was prepared and we came together as a family to remember why we celebrate Christmas.  I was slowed down long enough to throw off all of the commercial trappings and spend time truly connecting.

This Christmas has been about letting go and letting God work through others.  I was forced to stop my frantic activities so I would be available long enough to hug a friend who lost someone dear and shed tears with her.  I have had time to pray with and for people whose path has crossed mine in some of the most interesting ways.  To sit quietly and truly listen to what others were saying.  But most importantly, to be reminded that Christmas is about Jesus' birth.  

So, do me a favor and ignore that last post.  This Southern Belle found her Christmas spirit and also discovered how very blessed she is.

Merry Christmas to all and may God's blessings rain down abundantly upon you and your family in the coming year.

Cheryl

The Southern Belle who stole Christmas

I am depressed

It happens every year at this time and you think I would have learned by now.  It's almost unimaginable that I would fall into this same cycle of despair every year but, yet, as if on queue, I waltz right into the heavy sigh, I am not worthy, just bury me in the backyard because I am too worthless to live attitude.  So, you ask, what in the world is triggering this depth of despair?  All of those dadgum magazines that arrive in November and December with photos of pretty Christmas trees hovering over perfectly tied bows on presents that are color coordinated with the 12 dozen Christmas cookies in the silver tray positioned perfectly beside the cocoa (with homemade marshmallow of course) on the coffee table.  I take one look and think "I can do that!!"

Every year I make lots of lists in my head of cute projects I will complete, complicated desserts I will prepare, holiday soirees I will host with my well groomed and perfectly dressed husband by my side - smiling as we greet national dignitaries who have dropped in for a visit.  My family will receive the absolute perfect gift that they did not even realize they needed but is now essential to their being.  Oh the greatness!!!  Martha Stewart will ask me to be a special guest on her show to demonstrate my technique for preparing standing rib roast while wearing an evening gown.  Yes, it could be spectacular.

But here is the reality.  I work full-time and most days it's a struggle to get a decent meal on the table.  I give my time to non-profit organizations and do a lot of community service projects so my time is limited.  When I wrap a gift (that has most always been ordered online) there are bumps and lumps and the bow comes from the dollar store and was extracted from the bag of 4 dozen with different colors.  Sometimes I get lucky and the bow color coordinates with the paper I have used but most of the time it doesn't.  Gift bags are my saving grace and I grab dozens every time I walk by the aisle at Target or Dollar Tree to stifle my fear of running out.  I have not decorated a Christmas Tree in 5 years and love my sweet Son for always hosting the opening of presents at his home so the bumpy, lumpy gifts and bags can be under a tree for a few minutes.  I have good intentions but life just seems to get in the way.

So, here is to all of the other women who are just like me, hanging their head in shame during December because you feel unworthy to have hormones.  Buck up gals.  Our kids turn out just fine, our husbands are happy and our hugs are just as wonderful as the lady in the neighborhood who vacuums her floor while wearing pearls.  Don't know about you but I am boycotting Pinterest until the madness is over.

Now excuse me while I explain to my husband why the poinsettas have died....  👀

Cheryl

PS:  I don't forget the real reason for the season. 

Out of the box tips for surviving the week.

Photo by Jonny Caspari on Unsplash

So this whole exploration of methodologies for surviving the week has taken on a life of it's own and has outgrown Facebook (sorry Marky Z).  It has become a full blown blog post.  Let's recap shall we?

I started this deep philosophical discussion by asking my gentle Facebook readers to help me with motivational tips to get excited about Monday mornings.  The suggestions collected are as follows:

• My idea was purchasing a new outfit each weekend to wear on Monday.  This idea received several positive nods of approval but, upon reflection, it would adversely affect my retirement savings and increase the years I would need to be motivated.  Darn!

• One of my girlfriends suggested I spend the night at her house on Sunday night.  She has a rambunctious household filled with family and was assured I would be dying to get out of there come Monday am.  She forgot I have my own rambunctious household including 2 aging and cranky cats so her house actually looks calm.  Idea nixed.

• Going in late on Mondays held a certain charm.  The practice, however, could result in an early termination of my employment so a bit extreme.  Next...

• Starting the week on Tuesday was next.  As soon as I complete that time machine I am building in Husband Unit's garage this might become a viable option.

• Taking Tuesday's off.  That one was from Son Unit and actually holds some promise.  If I can make it through Monday....

• Another one of my gal pals suggested I wear my Red High Heels everyday.  She forgot I had gone flat before my time.  (Please reference earlier blog posts for background).

• 2 hour lunch.  Since most of my lunches are with current or potential clients most of them are 2 hours already.  Besides, I am always fighting my weight so encouraging excessive exposure to food not so good.

• One of my co-workers suggested getting to see her should be motivation enough.  She is a continual source of blog postings if I were brave enough to publish them and we won't even go there.  Love ya J!

• Retirement!  Now there's an idea.  Unfortunately the person who suggested it did not offer to support me in the style to which I would like to become accustomed.  Poop!

 I am now reviewing the suggestions for Tuesday while I am writing this on Wednesday.   Hang on!  We are going to figure this out.



 Cheryl

PS:  If you haven't figured it out by now, I escaped the McDonald's and the grasp of the farmer's with little to no harm and did not have to be locked in the freezer.  My weather alert was set for the wrong zipcode. 

Double Spanking Best Practices (replace k with x)

The sabbatical from blogging is over. I have to thank a good friend who sent me an encouraging word and urged me to start writing again. It felt good.  I think it makes her feel very normal when she reads my posts.

However, Husband Unit is not so sure he is ready for his reprieve from having his wife's ditzy doings emblazoned in Cyberspace so let's keep these stories to ourselves for awhile shall we?

For the most part, this post will only be understood and appreciated by women, however, I have recently been informed men are now utilizing those stretchy undergarments called Spanx. Who would have thought! It was this new tidbit of info that prompted me to publish my "best practice" list. Especially if you double spank (replace k with an x).

1. Those little buggers are TIGHT. If you are going to use them, do not be vain and try to squeeze into a size smaller than you wear. The people selling these undergarments already know you have rolls of fat you are trying to disguise so buy that extra large if you need it.

2. Make sure someone else is at home at the time you will be removing these contraptions from your body. I did not adhere to this rule and had to sleep with one half-way pulled over my head. Luckily I was able to wiggle around enough to get my nose poked out so I could breathe.

 3. If you wear the "camisole", it holds in your stomach really well. It also holds in your boobies. You will not only have a flatt(er)stomach but also a flat chest.

4. I read somewhere that Gayle King wears double Spanx. I tried it. It hurts. My underwire bra almost had to be surgically removed. I also had to take really, really short breaths and could not sit down but I was several inches smaller all over. Haven't figured out where the extra "fluff" was hiding in the Spanx cuz it sure flopped out when I got the things off. 

Hope these little tidbits help you as you prepare for that next Class Reunion.  Me, call me chicken but I am afraid there will be a weak spot in my Spanx and I will explode in front of everyone.  No thanks!  I want to be remembered as the girl who still has her sparkling personality instead of the one who took out half of the class with her underwear.

The Dance of the Sweet Potato Fairy

I want to take a brief detour for a rant so hang on.  Why the heck is it you always need to find your glasses when you don't have them on?  Drives me crazy!  I can't see heck and now I have to wander around the house like an Israelite in the desert groping around trying to find my glasses so I can see where I put them.  Maddening...

Thank you for allowing me to get that out of my system and let's move onto the business at hand which is talking about how sweet potatoes can fly.

First, some background.  November 2014 was the month/year of "the bug."  For those of you living in the Memphis area, you will remember this nasty bugger sidelined several of our dear Grizzlies which caused much weeping and gnashing of teeth as they are having a spectacular season.  Since I live in the suburbs, I felt no threat as not many folks want to make the drive from downtown to our humble little abode way out East so my confidence was high that the bug would stay quarantined near the river.  Unfortunately my theory of bug travel turned out to be wrong and it hit our family like a firestorm in a dry desert.  First Mom, then me and finally my hubby.  All "sidelined" during Thanksgiving Day.

Being the good Southern daughter, wife and daughter-in-law that I am, the holiday could not pass without some type of large feast so, after recovery, I set to cooking on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Pulled crowder peas from the freezer that had been purchased from The Farmer's Market in the summer, cooked cornbread dressing and bread stuffing, turkey, cranberry sauce, bread, broccoli and the most requested dish of the day - sweet potato casserole.  My feet were flying across the kitchen floor as I directed pots and pans and skillets and ovens.  The Joy of Cooking application was singing to me in the background.  It was one of my finest performances.  The timing on every dish was just perfect and each star of the show was going to finish cooking at just the right moment.  Sockfoot Contessa (my cooking alias) was in the zone.

Well, there must have been a small meteor shower that caused some type of atmospheric disturbance because as I was gently whisking the turkey stock into my roux to make that silky gravy I remembered the sweet potatoes were browning in the oven.  Dropped that whisk and sprinted over to find I was within seconds of having some crusty marshmallows. Grabbed my trusty mitts, opened the oven door and whooshed out the casserole dish.  This is where the dance comes in....

BAM!  I am not sure what angle the earth dove into when the casserole dish achieved orbit and flew out of my hand but let's just say Sockfoot Contessa did a dance only rivaled by Mikhail Baryshnikov.  Sweet Potato flew all over the house.  It ended up on the back on my jeans and we even found some on the back on my Mother-In-Laws pants and she was not even in the kitchen!  A spot ended up on the couch in the living area which had to travel 20 feet and turn 2 corners.  I am sure they felt the earthquake in Japan as the entire house shook.

Everyone was very sweet as we scrapped sweet potatoes from every surface within a 5 mile radius.  I recovered and arranged the rest of the food for us to eat.  I have to admit, the meal turned out well but I sure did miss my sweet potatoes and especially those browned marshmallows on top.

So, kiddos, the lessons I have learned from this adventure as as follows:

1. Never try to make gravy when the sweet potatoes are browning in the oven and
2. Yes, Virginia, sweet potatoes can fly. 

Thanksgiving 2014 is officially over for the Citrones but, I  have to confess, harm was done to innocent vegetables while making the dinner.

PS:  I have the top to a nice 2 quart round casserole dish with holder if anyone needs it.

$3 Lint Roller

And speaking of practicing for retirement...

As you are aware, I am in the RED ZONE for retirement planning.  This weighs heavily on my mind so I am always looking for opportunities to cut our household expenses.  In my quest for savings, I have turned to "The Dollar Store" (insert appropriate brand name here) for certain items.  One of the said items is the sticky lint rollers you tear off in sheets.

I have 2 cats so fur and lint management is high on the list of things to do in my home.  I keep lint rollers in my closet, suitcases, tote bag and car.  It's amazing how cat hair can show up on your clothes in New York when you defuzzed yourself thoroughly before leaving home, while riding to the airport, in the airport bathroom, and in the hotel room before leaving.  But, sure enough, during a crucial part of your presentation you look down and there is a big fat cat hair riding on your boob.  Could throw you off of your game OR you can pretend it is a part of your accessories and saw Carrie Bradsaw from Sex in the City wearing the same thing on one popular episode.  You get the point.

During an especially busy time in our lives I let our lint roller stock get low.  To be honest, every lint roller stick was bare. Not a sticky sheet to be found, even in my secret stock I hide from my husband.  Luckily, there is a Target right across the street from my office so I breezed by and picked up a dozen on my way home.  Just whisked in there with my pants on fire, talking to 3 people on the phone, typing up a proposal on my iPad and weaving a blanket while stalking and buying those jewels.  Never even knew what the total price was until I got home and reviewed the ticket.

"$36! $36!  You got to be kidding me!  I paid $3 a piece for lint rollers!  (It's ok to suck all of the air out of the room while reading this.  Resume when ready).

My mind began to run the calculations in my mind.  No sweet tea for the next 24 meals, work another 12 years, buying cheaper cuts of meat.  Horrors!  What have I done to my family?  I dare not tell my husband as we might have a hospital bill on our hands from shock therapy.  So I put those little precious items in their appointed places (closet, car, tote bag, suitcases etc.) and pretended nothing had happened to adversely affect our budget.

The next morning I nervously grabbed the lint roller, unveiled the sticky paper and rolled it across my black pants.  What, what??  One roll and the cat hair dissipated.  It was surely a fluke so I tried again, this time across my gray jacket.  Eureka!  Gone.  Then the true magic happened.  I grabbed the used sticky sheet to reveal the next layer and it came off straight and neat. 

No rolling around in the floor to get the used sheet to release, no tattered and torn sides as it ripped halfway revealing part of the stickiness of the next layer, no using 50 sheets to get one unfuzzed leg.  I might have stumbled upon the 13th wonder of the world.

That is when it dawned on me that I could actually save money by using these $3 lint rollers.  It also dawned on me that the reason I was always covered with cat hair was from rolling around on the floor fighting with the cheap ones.

Needless to say, I was relieved to discover my initial panic was unnecessary.  Our budget would survive and sweet tea can be consumed at future meals.  Life is good.

Thoughts on Aging

This is a departure from the usual Southern Belle Blog post. I am aging. I don't like it. I don't like seeing people I love age and get sick.

That was cathartic to get that thought out into cyberspace. Much like an alcoholic standing up to admit their problem in a public meeting, I felt the need to admit my issues with growing older. Please do not tell me there is nothing I can do about it, that I need to embrace it and live life to it's fullest and all of the other cliches that come to your tongue in response. I am having a moment and just need to dwell deep inside it for a little while. Thank you.

People tell me I do not look my age. That is flattering and I do appreciate their kindness but the fact is I have a hard time getting out of bed with the aches and pains that have suddenly come to live in my bones. I find I have to think a little bit longer to remember something simple and I always keep a notepad in my purse for jotting down things I cannot afford to forget. Where did the time go! My son is over 30, my grandchildren are growing up and my parents and in-laws are beginning to need me more than I need them.

Lastly, I have thoughts of so much time lost. So many people I have not met, have not touched in some way and the many dreams that will be left unfulfilled. Please do not get me wrong, I have been richly blessed and, perhaps, that is the key to this issue. I love my life so much I cannot bear the thought of leaving it behind. Even though, as a Christian, I realize heaven is going to be wonderful I am not ready to leave what I have come to love... my home, my family, my husband, my friends and life.

So, thank you for allowing me to have this little moment of anxiety.  Tomorrow is another day.  Looking forward to the sunrise.

High altitude

Pikes Peak

What I Learned While Living at a High Altitude for One Week

Hubby and I just returned from a glorious, lovely vacation week in Colorado visiting our Besties.  Their home resides at 7,000 feet which, as we learned, dictates a little adjusting.  Felt it was my duty to share the things I learned while living in the air in Colorado in case you decide to take a little trip to the area.

 ****************************************************************************************

1. Wildlife does not appear upon command - even at the Zoo.  Many thanks to my "friends" who offered suggestions for drawing bears out of the woods for viewing including "tying a steak around my neck."  I do, however, have to admit that by the end of the week I was so desperate to see a bear that I thought about it.
2. Heavy breathing is acceptable even in non-romantic situations.  Have mercy! It was embarrassing to call friends back home and leave messages.  I am sure several people hung up thinking was some type of pervert leaving a message as it took me several raspy draws of oxygen before I could start speaking.  Perhaps this is the reason I never saw a bear.  They heard me coming from a mile away.
3. Things packed at a low altitude explode when opened at a high altitude.  I experienced this with sunscreen.  Luckily I was on the side of a mountain stream and sunscreen went everywhere and I mean everywhere.  I covered myself, hubby, friends and most of the fish in the stream.  Do fish get sunburned??
4. You get "fluffier" at a high altitude cuz the air is thinner and doesn't hold in your fat.  Bring your big pants.
5. The margin of error while driving up the side of a mountain at 14,000 feet with a 12,000 foot drop off on the left and a shear cliff on the right is.... 0.
6. You not only get "fluffier" but you also burp a lot cuz the air is thin and the burps just jump right out with absolutely no warning!
7. People who live at 7,000 feet do not have air conditioning.  WHAT!!!!!!!  Yes, it is true.  I lived in fear of having a menopausal hot flash and going crazy enough to strip off my clothes to run naked through the yard.  Probably would have seen a bear though.
8. Finally, life is much sweeter when you have good friends to share your experiences.  Love ya David and Marsha.  Thanks for sharing your high-altitude home with us.  It was a blast!!!  Even though we didn't see a bear.