Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A Cat, A Veterinarian and The Police


I believe enough time has passed to adequately protect the innocent parties that were involved in the incident about to be documented. Also, I wanted some time to pass so my Husband Unit would not call the men in the little white coats (again). But, I digress.

This all started when Husband Unit (HU) decided he and his best buddy were going to take a little road trip down to Florida to visit the folks. History has a tendency of repeating itself and previous trips out of town where he left me here unattended have equated to me backing into a tree, breaking several valuable things and general chaos. I don't know what happens but I seem to lose my mind when he is gone. I think it is because I have to pump my own gas and the fumes make me dizzy and ditsy.

Well, as you know, we are the proud parents of a 17 year old cat - Big Girl. She has a thyroid problem and takes medicine on a daily basis. The veterinarian we have been using was having some problems getting her condition under control so I decided to change to a new (and highly recommended) Vet. Since I was taking a "staycation" during HU's absence, I volunteered to take the little kitty to the vet. No problem right? Put the cat in the carrier and transport her to the vet. After all, HU had assured me there was no problem putting her in the carrier and "she rides really well." He lied.

Our appointment was at 10 a.m. so I put Big Girl in the laundry room at 8:30 a.m. so I would be assured of finding her when we needed to leave. Needless to say, she was not happy to spend 1.5 hours in the same room with the dryer. For some reason, she just doesn't like the dryer. At 9:15 a.m., I retrieved the cat carrier from the attic, placed it on the floor, grabbed Big Girl from the laundry room and walked across the floor to place her in the carrier.

Her arms and legs went out and attached themselves to the four corners of the carrier. Superglue should have so much staying power. I pushed and pulled and tugged and coaxed and twirled to no avail. I think at one point the cat was upside down and inside out. She finally gave out of energy at which time I made my move, unattached her from the corners of the carrier and pushed her inside. By this time, the overwhelming amount of activity has caused me to have a hot-flash which has caused me to soak through my clothes. We are now at 9:30 a.m. and I run to the closet to change clothes and dry my hair.

Running back into the den, I grab the carrier (noting it was very hard to grab) and place the entire package in the car. Screams begin to emit themselves from the carrier. (Reference the earlier comment HU made about "she rides good."). I swear you could hear her 3 states away. The long, LOUD screams of a cat that has been turned upside down and inside out is a little discombobulating but I successfully back out of the garage and begin the drive outside of the neighborhood and then... I spot the car.

I had noted this same car sitting at the entrance to our neighborhood over the last several days which caused my Miss Marple gene to kick in. Being a good Neighborhood Watch participant, I promptly called the police and reported this suspicious vehicle. Unfortunately, about the time the dispatcher picked up the phone, Big Girl let out a deafening scream which caused the phone to disconnect. I redial and explain to the dispatcher that I am taking my cat to the vet, she is not happy, and the screaming she hears in the background is not someone being murdered but an unhappy cat. She begins to laugh hysterically but restrains herself enough to take the information and assures me she will dispatch a car to check out this potential terrorist.

I am pulling into the parking lot when my cell phone rings, I answer and promptly greeted by an investigator from my local police department.

"Mrs Citrone, Sgt so and so here." I hear a little snicker from his end of the phone about the time Big Girl lets out another eardrum bursting scream. "I just wanted to let you know I am the person sitting in your neighborhood." In other words, I have called the police on themselves. Great. Now I have a screaming cat, I have had another hot flash and the police think I am a blooming idiot. He did thank me for being such an observant neighborhood watch member and wished me a good day.

Now it's time to get the cat into the vet. I run around to the passenger side of the car and retrieve the carrier. As I pull it out of the car, I note the handle is on the bottom. Oh! That is the reason it's so hard to carry. I have the cat in the carrier upside down! No problem. I just put the carrier on the ground and slowly rolled the cat over until she was right side up.

Of course, by this time the screaming from the carrier has caused the entire vet staff to come to the door to see what is going on. Here I am rolling the carrier across the parking lot to get the cat right side up. Oh yea, this is a great day. I have never seen these people before and the first glance they have is of me rolling my cat across the pavement.
The cat is now right side up, the police have been called off, I have the handle in my hand and we are proceeding into the reception area. As soon as we get in the door, Big Girl quiets down and doesn't squeak a peep. The vet tech pulls her out by the scruff of her neck, pokes, prods and other things we won't mention here. When they bring her back in the room., they put the carrier on the floor and Big Girl jumps right in. That witch!

Needless to say, it was a very upsetting day and one I do not wish to replicate. I finally confessed to HU who just shook his head and called our Son to chastise him for not checking in on me more frequently. He also explained that the cat won't go into the carrier if it is upside down. NOW he tells me!!!

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