Friday, September 18, 2009

I Think My Marriage May Be in TROUBLE

I am so glad to have this blog as an outlet for my overwhelming emotions at this moment. My marriage is in trouble. Yes, Husband Unit has made an unforgivable error in judgment and, quite frankly, I am not sure I can continue to live with this man.

HE ASKED ME TO PUT MY KITCHENAID MIXER UNDER THE COUNTER!!

(For those of you needing some background on how attached I am to that darling little kitchen gadget please read the November 2008 post "Sockfoot Contessa - a Baker is Born" below.)

I do believe and swear on my Granny's grave that I blanked out for a few minutes. Was I experiencing some type of space time warp continuum thingy? Certainly I did not hear the love of my life, the man I have spent over 12 years with and suffered through child raising issues with asking me to do this most unspeakable act.

"Sweetie" I said, "let's go take your blood pressure. I do believe it is high as you are just not thinking clearly. In fact, let's take mine too because something has affected my hearing. Did you just ask me to put my KitchenAid Mixer under the counter?"

"Yes, I did." Husband Unit says with a most convicted of all voices. "I simply do not like the counter tops cluttered with your kitchen gadgets. Something must go under the counter."

Well, all I can say is that man is lucky the butcher block with all of the sharp knives was clearly out of reach because my blood pressure no doubt went into overdrive after my ears processed that statement. Had he lost his mind? The angels sang when I brought that baby home. He has been the lucky recipient of many baked goods compliments of that blessed kitchen gadget and now he turns on it like a rabid dog. Have mercy!!!

It was obvious he was not to be swayed with logic which included him being proud he had purchased his wife such an incredible machine or the fact that I may feel the incredible urge to make Parmesan Thyme Crackers on a moment's notice and simply would not have the time to extract it from under the counter OR the fact that it looked so lovely where it stands beneath a little spotlight. "No," he says "it has to go under the counter."

I was simply struck dumb. Words cannot express the shock and amazement I felt. And so, like any good Southern Belle, I pulled out the big guns..... I stomped my foot and started crying like a baby. Big whopping, slobbery sobs that would have drowned out Big Foot at the Monster Truck show. Husband Unit was taken aback. He knew that he had stepped in it and promptly began initiating the "Oh poop I stepped in it and better step out of it" plan.

My KitchenAid mixer is still on the counter. Just love that man.

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